um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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