he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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