she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
