Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
