Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
