dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
