please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
