You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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