why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
