We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
