Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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