Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
