He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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