if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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