Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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