I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
