help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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