i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
