In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize