I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they're like a gay fantastic four
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
