I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
