I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
