Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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