You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
