i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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