do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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