it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
