Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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