Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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