oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize