Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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