You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize