If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
