I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
