It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
