our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
