Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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