i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
