I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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