Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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