Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
