I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
