You really coming over, don't trick.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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