Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
