And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
