I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
