looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
