I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
