i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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