I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
