non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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