he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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