when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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