Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize