i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
