My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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