First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
