Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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