Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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