I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize