well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
