dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
