My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mom said you looked used
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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