There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
