I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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