i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
