so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
