Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
