still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize